Why I Hate New Year’s Resolutions

Look, I’m gonna be honest here. I hate New Year’s resolutions. They’re like this big, shiny promise you make to yourself, knowing full well you’re gonna break it by February. And yet, every year, I fall for it. This year was no different.

Last January, I was feeling particularly ambitious. I told myself, ‘This is it. This is the year I get fit, eat clean, and finally meditate every day.’ I even wrote it down. On a post-it note. Which I then stuck to my fridge. Next to the wine.

Meet Marcus, My Personal Trainer from Hell

So, I signed up at this fancy gym near my place. Let’s call my trainer Marcus. Marcus was one of those annoyingly perky people who wake up at 5 am to do yoga. I mean, who does that? Anyway, Marcus was convinced he could turn me into a fitness freak. Spoiler alert: he couldn’t.

Our first session was… rough. Marcus had me running on the treadmill like my life depended on it. I’m pretty sure I saw my soul leave my body at one point. But I was committed. For like, a week.

The Great Avocado Shortage of 2023

Then came the diet. I was gonna eat clean. No more takeout, no more snacks, just good old fashioned home cooking. I even bought a fancy blender. You know, for smoothies. The kind of smoothies that taste like liquid cardboard. Honestly, I don’t know why people put kale in smoothies. It’s like they’re trying to punish themselves.

And don’t even get me started on avocados. There was this big thing about avocados being the key to good health. So, I started buying them like crazy. Then, out of nowhere, there was an avocado shortage. I kid you not. I went to three different stores, and nothing. It was a dark time.

Meditating Like a Pro… Not

Meditating was probably the most ridiculous part of my resolution. I downloaded this app, you know the one with the little bell sound? Anyway, the app told me to sit cross-legged, close my eyes, and clear my mind. Clear my mind? Have you ever tried to clear your mind? It’s impossible. My mind is like a shopping list that never ends.

I tried meditating every day for a week. By the end of it, I was more stressed than when I started. I even had this conversation with my friend Sarah over coffee. She told me, ‘Maybe meditation isn’t for you.’ And you know what? She was right. Which… yeah. Fair enough.

Why I’m Done with Resolutions

So, here’s the thing. I failed. Miserably. But you know what? I’m okay with that. Because I learned something important. Resolutions aren’t about being perfect. They’re about trying. And even if I didn’t stick to my resolution, I tried. And that counts for something.

And look, I’m not saying you should give up on your resolutions. But maybe, just maybe, you should give yourself a break. Life’s too short to stress about avocado shortages and failed meditation attempts.

Oh, and if you’re looking to get fit, you might want to check out this elektrikli araçlar karşılaştırma rehber. I mean, it’s not about fitness, but it’s kinda cool. And who knows, maybe it’ll inspire you to get moving.

A Tangent About My Cat

Speaking of moving, my cat, Whiskers, is the laziest creature on the planet. I swear, that cat hasn’t moved from its spot on the couch in weeks. And yet, it’s the healthiest animal I know. No diet, no exercise, just pure laziness. Maybe that’s the secret to good health. Who knows?

Anyway, I’m done with resolutions. I’m done with Marcus and his annoying perky-ness. And I’m done with avocados. But I’m not done with trying. Because at the end of the day, that’s what matters.

So, go ahead. Make your resolutions. But remember, it’s okay to fail. It’s okay to not be perfect. Just try. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll find your own path to health and happiness.

And if all else fails, just blame it on the avocado shortage.

About the Author
Sarah Johnson has been a senior magazine editor for over 20 years. She’s written for major publications, covering everything from fitness trends to mental health. When she’s not writing, she’s probably arguing with her cat or searching for the perfect avocado.